I heard from jason the other day. He called me, and although the call didnt go through, i knew it was him, i got that feeling in my chest, and my tummy started stirring. Although, with the way things left off, it was more fear, or confusion as to why he was calling me at 12:30 a.m. on some random morning. Anyway, the call didn't go through, so i wrote him a quick e-mail to ask him if it was him. Opening up my e mail, in preperation to write him, i ran across the last e mail he sent me. Subject, "hi, remember me?" Contents somewhere along the lines of "i hope you choke on the shit you feed people someday, now maybe i can sleep" Now i understand where this comment came from, and it was accepted, and not responded too. Sometimes i wish i would choke on the shit i tell people too. Want to know why? Because most of the time, i feel like i tell people what they want to hear, so that they like me, so i will be accepted, loved, and cherished. So i feel like i have a purpose, to make not so important situations more important to me, and the people they involve. I do this because, i am lacking it in every other aspect of my life. I have friends, i don't have a BEST friend, i have things to do, but not really anything i would make myself get out of bed for. I'm tired, i've tried and tried, and i've even asked for his help. I asked him to come back and rescue me, to take me away like in the fairy tails, and make me feel like a princess...that is what you used to call me right? enough with the fairy tails, they just make little girls dream of something that is destined not to come true. I love you Jason, i just wish i was worth some effort. Not the kind of effort to make me change my whole life, but the kind of effort where you think in your mind, "wow, i've really got the woman i love, and i'm not going to lose her like this." que the trotting horse, and sunset please. Like i said before maybe i won't ever find anything like this, maybe i'm dreaming, but if i can't feel like i'm worth it to someone, i'd rather be not worth anything alone.